Blending into Paris

Participant observation.. It's the key method to any anthropological research. Because in order to research a culture you'll have to blend in, so you won't accidently affect local behaviour.
As an ex-wannabe-athropologist I sometimes still feel the need to invisibly blend into cultures and subcultures and observe them from within. It's interessting to detect the sublte diffrences in people, only caused by the place the were born and the people and culture they grew up with.

Having spent a lot of time in Paris, I tried absorb French culture like a sponge, just trying to become just as chique and sophisticated as a true Parisienne. Because let's be honest, walking through the city of love, you can spot the diffrence between the tourists and locals from miles away.

It's not just the way Parisians dress or what they eat, it's the whole air of belonging in Paris you'll have to capture if you want to blend in. So if you ever feel the need to become a Parisian, (or just walk through Paris without being harassed by tourist-targetting criminal gypsies) here are a few pointers:

1. Yes! it's obvious and predictable, but the first thing you'll have to learn is speaking French! It's not only the language of love, but also by most French people just considered as the superiour language. If you're trying to be French but fail to speak the language, you've allready lost major points!  

2. Disguise. An important thing if you want to blend in, is looking like you belong! But French style is not easy to copy. You would expect all haute couture and high heels, but in reality a true Parisian looks like it didn't take any effort to look flawlessly fashionable. Skinny jeans and timeless classic clothing are probably the basics. Red lipstick helps with the finishing touch (only for female wannabe-parisians though ;)) But the rest of your disguise probably has to come from your attitude.


3. Hurry and multitask
Speedwalk! never just stroll, you're allways in a hurry! Even when you're making your way through the crowded metro-labyrinth. At first it will probably be quite a challenge to avoid bumping into your fellow running Parisians, so for a good preparation you'll have to make sure you'll know where you're going. You wouldn't want to blow your cover by being caught looking at a map.

When you're in the metro, never make eyecontact with anyone, but immediately pull out your book! Reading a book is always a good way to look French, whether you're standing in the metro, walking speedwalking on the streets, or sitting in a café. So never ever forget your book!
Another musthave prop is a cigarette! Smoke on the streets, whenever you get the chance.
In the morning, when you're hurrying to work (while smoking of course) stop at least once at a café to order a coffee at the bar, take 5 minutes to drink your coffee, read the newspaper, put some money on the bar and hurry on! You probably didn't really enjoy your coffee or read much news, but remember you're not doing it because you really want to drink coffee or need to read the newspaper, you're merely making a point, your a local!

It's important to always keep up your air of French arrogance and keep your distance. Others are not really worth your attention, with the the ironic exception of 2 things:, kissing and fondling your lover wherever and whenever you can, and being a good citizen. That means allways helping strangers with babies and standing up for pregnant people, old people and people with small children. Everyone will immediately hate you if you failed to notice an oppportunity to stand up for someone in need. (Ironically this rule absolutely doesn't apply to the countless 'clochards,' the homeless people, begging for money on the streets. They are to be ignored.)

Once you've perfected your French act and managed to fool some locals, its time for the final test; inviting them over! Now you'll have to decorate your appartment like a true Parisian and luckily that's pretty easy.  Start by covering every inch of wall with decorations, posters, paintings, photographs, anything really.
If you can't see the colour of your wallpaper, It's allready looking pretty French, but it's not quite finished. Because the most important thing in a Parisian interior is..... Chairs!! In every corner or empty space of every Parisian appartment you'll find a chair (or more!) The more chairs, the more Parisian your apartment will look! Chairs Chairs Chairs

 Just count the chairs in the pictures above, I rest my case..

The final touch in your Parisian apartment is the fridge! First of all, put at least 8 pots of mustard in it! Different kinds of course. I don't know why but it seems to be a necessity. The only thing left to do now is decorating the outside of your fridge.  Because French people love to cover it with their collection of refridgerator-magnets. Preferably collected abroad, but you also have to have food-magnets, wine-magnets, holliday-magnets etc. Just an example:
 

I think we've covered the basics by now and all you amateur-anthroplogists and wannabe-Parisians will blend in perfectly.

My own proudest moment as a fake Parisian was when I was running the streets, smoking and looking French, when suddenly some lost Dutch tourists asked me for directions (in English.)  Unfortunately I was in a fake-hurry and I decided I coudn't risk blowing my cover by speaking English (I still have to practise my Frensh accent) or worse:  Dutch! So I explained them in French where they had to go. They didn't understand a word but I was really proud of myself for passing this important test ;)